Reconciliation

For the past 23 odd years, my life as been one constant stream of changes. Houses, countries, neighbours, friends, schools, teachers, pets, beds and a big part of me wonders if, as a result, the so called 'damage' done is irreversable, or do I just accept that and move on?

I know, without a doubt, that my (for lack of a better term) slow-to-warm-up tendencies stem from the natural guarding my heart. And I aknowledge that this has been a good thing, on the whole, after all I (and most MK's I know) are adaptable and versitile in that way.
But I cannot help but wonder when that guardedness becomes and actual hinderance in relationships and as we interface with new people.

So my question is this: how do we reconcile those parts of you?
The part that yearns, on a basic, basic level to be in community and to both give and recieve all that accompanies friendships. And that other, more dominant part that takes over and puts you in auto-pilot, protecting and yet hurting the other part. Can the two even reach a balance? For so much of my life, its been either one or the other.

I ask myself, when was the last time I was me, truly me, with all the messiness that comes along with who I am, and I really dont know. I think its been so long that I cannot remember.
So my prayer is this. That I would know who I am, and that I would take the chance and show that to others. Because there is no guarantee that you wont get hurt. Rather its rather inevitable is it not? Relationships are messy by definition almost. So you can ask yourself this then, is it worth the cost? I think I would have to say yes.