Freaking Out....Feb 2010

In the midst of all my freaking out about the future, and mentally chastising myself, wondering "if only....." I am finding myself being asked who is it, that I am turning towards as I think about making this change. What am I basing my decision and future and hopes and dreams on? And I tell myself, I am doing it for God. Well if so, I think its important to re-frame myself. To re-orient my thinking. Who is God that am literally stepping away from a relatively comfortable life for? What are some of the things that I know, within the depths of my core, who He is? Things that though my mind is weak, my spirit is resolute, founded on a rock that cannot be shaken or torn asunder.

I'm a more linear thinker, so here is my list:

You have been/are and will be...

You are the creator and protector

You are the provider

You are unchained by time in the same way that my feeble mind and body pulsates with each ticking of the clock.

You are broader thinking than I can imagine

You know what has happened and what is to come

You are not flummoxed or confused

You do have my best interests at heart

You have the perfect plan

You have a place and calling for me

You do not demand but gently offer and invite

You act with purpose and deliberation

You joy over me, even when I'm frustrated

You usher in peace in the midst of all my chaos

You comprise a world of connections and relationships unfathomable to my mind

You are power and strength

You are meekness and mildness

You are ageless

You are modern and ancient

You are the ultimate paradox

You call me to follow, though you walk with

You enthrall and entertain

You calm and quiet my soul

You are the stubborn lover, demanding of my whole heart

You woo and pursue

You beckon and point directly

You do not desire my pain, but rather joy

You laugh when I laugh, and cry when I cry

You give me the tears to cry, when I cannot

You soften my heart and place a yearning in my soul

You desire good things for me, and for me to be an agent of change

You desire and call me to do good, in Your Name

You command and direct

You offer and wait

You work in your own time

You open doors

You close doors

You give with open hands

You wait

You wait